Are you someone who constantly finds yourself in an argument with your loved ones? Especially your partner? Do you feel like you are constantly trying to get your opinion understood, you feel like they don’t listen to you so you end up crying and confused to how it’s turned into an argument AGAIN?
There’s a simple but blunt answer to this. You are fighting each other to play the victim role. I am going to explain to you briefly a few things that are going wrong before it get’s to the argument.
You’re not listening to each other.
Both of you believe in your own values and reasoning to why you are standing your ground. (Which is great by the way, you need to stand up for what you believe in) However, you are both not listening to each other. You are not putting your own thoughts aside to really listen and understand the other person involved. You are waiting for a break to put your two cents in and fire back. I know you are probably thinking, “Why should I listen when he isn’t even going to attempt to listen!” Well, one of you need to be the bigger person and start the trend. That statement is putting yourself knee deep in the victim trap.
THIS IS HUGE. If you know full when you fucked up. Say so. When you don’t own up your mistakes usually your response will be; “Yeah, well if you did this, I wouldn’t of done that.” Or, “well you think that’s bad, do you remember what YOU did?
You haven’t let go of shit that happened ages ago.
You are still bringing up things that happened ages ago. (I know sister, we as women do this all the time) However is it worth doing this to create another argument? You need to start letting go of the past and focus on the present. It’s not fair on the person involved and it’s not fair on your heart.
You have an aggressive approach.
The minute you yell, slam doors, get nasty. You are asking to be the victim. It’s a scream of, “Don’t you see what you are doing to me!” Your approach to anything that is really upsetting you should be civil. I say this because who ever listens to anyone that yells at you? I sure as hell don’t. I fire back! That’s why you need to approach the situation calmly. If they blow up and yell at you, just walk away and tell them you will talk to them when they are willing to talk and not yell.
Sometimes it’s best to not state your opinion.
I am someone who strongly agrees that you should stand for who you are and believe in your own values. However if you know you are in a conversation who is quite opinionated, it might save you an argument if you don’t voice your opinion back. Try and be aware the next time you are in a convo with someone and you voice your opinion, see how they respond. If they become quite abrupt and focus on their opinion, you know that no matter what you say they aren’t ready to understand and that’s okay. It’s alarm bells to say to yourself, “Okay, I will re frame from my opinion next time.”
There will always be some challenging conversations that need to happen. Just remember your approach and your response. You can’t control how they react, but you can control how you react.
Let me know how you go with this!
Love and hi fives.